How do you handle conflict?

Sometime ago in church the sermon was funny, it was about conflicts in marriage though the sermon applied to general life as well.

In conflict, there are several ways that people handle themselves and the situation. There are two categories of people, the runners and the fighters. They are all bad ways of solving conflict and we are all specialists of atleast one.
The disclaimer given was, you marry/hang out with the person whom you are in the same level of maturity regardless of whether you/they are a fighter or a runner.. so you cannot put your partner down.

How a Runner handles conflict



Tortoise - These are the people who build a wall around themselves;professionals of nil-by-mouth;wont talk about the conflict and you just move on.



Ostrich - These are the happy-go-lucky people, everything is alright, bury your head in the sand despite the great conflict you are going through. If you ever told anyone your partner is mistreating you..no one would believe you.. coz nothing looks wrong at all.



Owl - These are the people who ignore the conflict, they are intelligent so they can guess what your side of the conflict is, so when you say it they just roll their eyes "i knew you wld say that".They already know how you will react so when you do it...bravo...remember all this time you have not solved your conflict.


How a Fighter handles conflict



Hedgehog - These are the people who get very defensive in a conflict. You point out something is wrong and they puff up in their defense. They think you are attacking them rather than the conflict in question.



Skunk - These are the people who in conflict already know they are in the wrong but they come out fighting so hard and bring up your past mistakes and make sure you look worse than they do(just like a skunk sprays you and you end up stinking). At the end of the day you end up apologosing to them for past mistakes and you end up not handling the conflict in question.



Gorilla - These are the people who get into conflict just to win. They push to the bitter end, they must win. They will not give up until you see their point and agree with them.

Critical Path Analysis

While in campus, I had a friend who we would sit and chat for hours, not about anything specific. We would start the conversation from one end and digress far and wide to a totally different conclusion than the obvious. Our conversations were full of hypothetical cases, possibilities and 'what if's, we explored different possible outcomes and the clock would turn and turn. My friends would ask, 'what were you two talking about for all those hours?'. I couldn't explain, it wasnt anything specific.
In retrospect, I think that opened up our minds to realise there can be as many outcomes of things and situations in life, anything is just possible.

I enjoy the company of people who dream, people who know that anything is possible, people who think out-of-the-box and people who try to make their dreams come true.
I hang out with older professionals, and quietly listen to their conversations and hear how their minds process information,hear their responses. I enjoy watching their fights when they disagree, their fights are not personal, they are just an expression of different views. Sometimes they are not able to compromise and have to change the topic.
I enjoy hanging out with younger people especially ones from rich families, their view of life is way different from younger people from poorer families. I come from a poorer family in comparison to what I refer to as rich families.
The rich ones can dream of anything, their parents can afford it anyway!
The poorer ones will often say things like; that is impractical, impossible and so on.
But nothing beats a poorer young person with a mind full of possibilities...totally awesome!

Growing up is the hardest process in my view, when we were younger our parents and siblings could make decisions for us, we had no choice but to comply and if anything, we din't know better.
In a world full of possibilities, there are so many choices we have to make, bad choices are easy to take, they dont require much thought. Good choices are very difficult to take because some bad choices present themselves as good choices, trying to sift and end up with the real good choices is a hard task.

Most outcomes are dependent on other outcomes, therefore it helps to have an end in mind, a goal, a dream.
We then need to live each day being good stewards of all that God has blessed us with; wisdom, money, family, friends, jobs,etc and a path gently starts developing, direction starts forming.

Sooner, things that are important become clearer and the critical path aligns itself.

Rotaract Club

Rotaract is a worldwide organization of young men and women ages 18 to 30 who believe they can make a difference. A Rotaract Club is more than just a community service club. It is part of a global effort to bring peace and international understanding to the world. This effort starts at the community level, but it knows no limits in its outreach.

I am a member of the Rotaract Club of Westlands in Nairobi, Kenya. We belong to District 9200 (Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania, Ethiopia and Eritrea). I am also the Assistant District Rotaract Represenatative (ADRR)2010-2011 in Kenya. My role involves co-ordinating the activities of 18 Rotaract Clubs in our region.

I enjoy Rotaract, its an avenue to grow, give and learn.

To sell your ideas… You have to beat the 'market for lemons'

I was going through a series of things I found interesting in the past and wrote a piece about them, and I came across this...I still find it interesting!

At one point of your life, you have tried to sell an idea, a tyre or even a service in a competitive and sometimes unfair market. Unless you beat the market for lemons, your idea, product or service may be beaten to the ground by others.

If you wanted to sell your good quality second hand car at Ksh. 500,000 and your friends decided to sell their cars as well which may be not of good quality as yours might be, they will be willing to accept ½ of what you expect that is Ksh.250,000. Since the customer will not be in a position to tell which is of better quality, he will be only willing to pay Ksh.375,000 which is ¾ the cost of a good quality second hand car. That means, the person with the good quality second hand car will get a raw deal and the person with not so good quality will get a great deal…That is a market for lemons.

In India in the 1970’s, good quality, fresh milk was rarely available because so many traders added water to the milk to increase their profits. The low quality milk drove out the good quality milk out of the market since the customers could not tell the difference… That is a market for lemons.

It follows, that your great idea, product or service may not prevail in a market for lemons.

The Indian National Dairy’s Board provided the market with a machine (probably a lactometer) that could test the water content in milk and the customers were able to determine quality milk and thus built their trust in milk they were buying…they beat the market for lemons.

Remember customers will try ‘low cost providers’ because the majors have not given them any clear reason not to.

Next time, you want to sell your idea, product or service, be creative, and find a way that your audience can build the desired trust and confidence. Once you beat the market for lemons, then you can have your niche’.

Review:Financial fitness - Muriithi Wanjau

This is a lovely small book with relevant advice on how to be financially fit. It borrows alot from bibilical teachings.

He likens the process to a gym; It is easy to resolve to attend training sessions, but a totally different story to actualy do it.

My best take home is Proverbs 13:22 A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children.

I have been asking myself a few questions; why should I work hard,why should I save; whose benefit etc etc...

I dont find it difficult to work hard and save for rent, for food, for clothing and such kind of basic necessities, I am able to recognise those as important things. The hard part has been what do I do with any leftover income after paying for the necessities...should I pay tithe, give it out, have fun, buy a piece of land etc etc..all these are important, and then what..

I already understood why its necessary to save for retirement...but how much will I need for the future, what if I dont make it, will I consider money important then and so on and so on.

Then that verse sprung up,and I understood, the future doesn't end with me!

water hyacinth

Breath Your Name-Sixpence None the Richer

It's every day
I'm in this place
I feel this way
I feel the same
It's every day
I'm in this place
I feel this way
I feel the same

Is it all inside my head
Is it all inside my head
I'll view the list
And take my pick
I view my faith
And make a choice
'Cause it's nobody else's but mine

But you are in my heart
I can feel your beat
And you move my mind
From behind the wheel
When I lose control
I can only breathe your name
I can only breathe your name

So many days within this race
I need the truth
I need some grace
I need the path
To find my place
I need some truth
I need some grace
The part of you
That's part of me
We'll never die
We'll never leave
And it's nobody else's but mine

You are in my heart
I can feel your beat
And you move my mind
From behind the wheel
When I lose control
I can only breathe your name
I can only breathe your name

You'll view the list
And take your pick
You'll view my faith
And make a choice
'Cause it's nobody else's but yours

And you're in my heart
I can feel your beat
And you move my mind
From behind the wheel
When I lose control
I can only breathe your name

'Cause you're in my heart
I can feel your beat
And you move my mind
From behind the wheel
When I lose control
I can only breathe your name
I can only breathe your name
I can only breathe your name
I can only breathe your name

Only Fools -Crystal Lewis

only fools follow gold
only wise men know
I’m no fool, you’ve changed my point of view

to be kind is quality that I richly desire
it is better to be poor than a liar

I no longer see things controlling me
you have spoken, I have listened
only fools believe in only what they see
the wise are rich indeed

what a friend we have in Jesus
he hears all our cries
if you listen, you’ll hear him crying too...

I no longer see things controlling me
you have spoken, i have listened
only fools believe in only what they see
the wise are rich indeed
Only Fools-Crystal Lewis

Palmhouse Foundation

I am proud to be one of the Trustees of Palmhouse Foundation. A foundation that sponsors the Secondary/ High School education of needy and deserving students.

Currently we have 178 students in school and 65 students who have successfully completed their Secondary/ High School education and passed well enough to join Universities and Tertiary Colleges.

These beneficiaries have and will transform their lives, their families and society!

For more on the foundation and how one could donate and help educate a needy bright student... see www.palmhsefoundation.org

First Things First-Stephen Covey

First Things First is a profound book on how to organize, set priorities and to be aware of yourself-capabilities, weaknesses and how to convert all for positive results.
The book drives on To Live, To Love, To Learn, To Leave a lasting Legacy.

THE POWER OF GOALS
“The moment we set a goal is a moment of choice. Goals that are connected to our inner life have the power of passion and principle”.
To access this power you could ask these 3 questions: What? Why? How?

An illustration in the book that made my day:

Roger: After speaking on the importance of mission and roles in a recent seminar, I asked one of the participants if he would be willing to go through the goal setting process with me in front of the group. He agreed.I said, “Okay, choose a role-any role you’d like”
Participant:Father
Roger:What do you feel is the most important goal you could work on in this role?Participant:To improve my relationship with my fourteen year old son
Roger:Why?
Participant:Well, our relationship’s not that good.
Roger:So why do you want to improve it?
Participant:He’s having a lot of challenges at school, with friends and peer pressure. He’s being pulled in directions that are not productive. I feel it’s important to be close to him at this time in his life.
Roger:Why?
Participant:Because he needs it.
Roger:So why do you want to do it?
Participant:To help him.
Roger:Why?
He was beginning to get flustered.
Participant:Because am his father! It’s my responsibility.
Roger:So why do you want to do it?
Frustration was evident on his face.
Participant:Well, because….because...

There were two people at his table who could not sit still a minute longer. At the same instant, they both almost shouted… “Because you Love him!”.

It was written all over his face. It was reflected in his words. It was so evident that people around him could sense the deep love he had for his son. Maybe he couldn’t say it because of the seminar environment, or he hadn’t made the connection with that fire within.The moment these two people said the words, his face broke into a sheepish grin, “That’s right!” he said “I love him”. Everyone could feel the strength and the peace that flooded him.

Without this deep connection, we go through life feeling duty bound.

First Things First -Stephen Covey

Believe-lyrics

Hello my little dreamer
Lift up your head
Take my hand
And walk with Me a while
I know you think I've forgotten
The promise I've made you
But I will never forsake you


Believe the unbelivable
Dream the unthinkable
You can do all things
If you believe
You can reach the unreachable
See the unforseeable
All things are possible
To them that believe


I know it's been a delay
But that doesn't mean
I've denied you
I've just been waiting for you
To give Me your dreams
So i can bring them to pass
And I've done what you've asked


There may be times
When the whole world
Says you're a fool
Against all odds
You can put your trust in Me
And your dreams
Will become a reality
But You gotta believe

By Commissioned

I will carry you-lyrics

Sometimes I wonder if my beating heart has a reason
The thought of breathing only takes my breath away
I've spent so many nights wrestling with this feeling
Do I have the strength to make it through the day
But I was never meant
To walk this road alone
I can always trust you
When you say

I will carry you
Be your strength
And pull you through
Reach for me
And take my hand
We will pray
And we will stand
In a world
Crying out for peace
Let your heart be strong
For when I am weak
You will carry me

Sometimes You wonder if the road you're on has a reason
It's hard to go on, when you just don't know
We can shoulder all the weight of life between us
Until the fear of what we cannot see is gone
Cause we were never meant
To walk this road alone
we are bound together
When we say...

By Michael W Smith

Staple Centre, Los Angeles

Venice beach, California

An Ostrich at Ostrich farm in Kitengela, Kenya

Giraffes at Nairobi National Park in Kenya.