How do you handle conflict?

Sometime ago in church the sermon was funny, it was about conflicts in marriage though the sermon applied to general life as well.

In conflict, there are several ways that people handle themselves and the situation. There are two categories of people, the runners and the fighters. They are all bad ways of solving conflict and we are all specialists of atleast one.
The disclaimer given was, you marry/hang out with the person whom you are in the same level of maturity regardless of whether you/they are a fighter or a runner.. so you cannot put your partner down.

How a Runner handles conflict



Tortoise - These are the people who build a wall around themselves;professionals of nil-by-mouth;wont talk about the conflict and you just move on.



Ostrich - These are the happy-go-lucky people, everything is alright, bury your head in the sand despite the great conflict you are going through. If you ever told anyone your partner is mistreating you..no one would believe you.. coz nothing looks wrong at all.



Owl - These are the people who ignore the conflict, they are intelligent so they can guess what your side of the conflict is, so when you say it they just roll their eyes "i knew you wld say that".They already know how you will react so when you do it...bravo...remember all this time you have not solved your conflict.


How a Fighter handles conflict



Hedgehog - These are the people who get very defensive in a conflict. You point out something is wrong and they puff up in their defense. They think you are attacking them rather than the conflict in question.



Skunk - These are the people who in conflict already know they are in the wrong but they come out fighting so hard and bring up your past mistakes and make sure you look worse than they do(just like a skunk sprays you and you end up stinking). At the end of the day you end up apologosing to them for past mistakes and you end up not handling the conflict in question.



Gorilla - These are the people who get into conflict just to win. They push to the bitter end, they must win. They will not give up until you see their point and agree with them.

Critical Path Analysis

While in campus, I had a friend who we would sit and chat for hours, not about anything specific. We would start the conversation from one end and digress far and wide to a totally different conclusion than the obvious. Our conversations were full of hypothetical cases, possibilities and 'what if's, we explored different possible outcomes and the clock would turn and turn. My friends would ask, 'what were you two talking about for all those hours?'. I couldn't explain, it wasnt anything specific.
In retrospect, I think that opened up our minds to realise there can be as many outcomes of things and situations in life, anything is just possible.

I enjoy the company of people who dream, people who know that anything is possible, people who think out-of-the-box and people who try to make their dreams come true.
I hang out with older professionals, and quietly listen to their conversations and hear how their minds process information,hear their responses. I enjoy watching their fights when they disagree, their fights are not personal, they are just an expression of different views. Sometimes they are not able to compromise and have to change the topic.
I enjoy hanging out with younger people especially ones from rich families, their view of life is way different from younger people from poorer families. I come from a poorer family in comparison to what I refer to as rich families.
The rich ones can dream of anything, their parents can afford it anyway!
The poorer ones will often say things like; that is impractical, impossible and so on.
But nothing beats a poorer young person with a mind full of possibilities...totally awesome!

Growing up is the hardest process in my view, when we were younger our parents and siblings could make decisions for us, we had no choice but to comply and if anything, we din't know better.
In a world full of possibilities, there are so many choices we have to make, bad choices are easy to take, they dont require much thought. Good choices are very difficult to take because some bad choices present themselves as good choices, trying to sift and end up with the real good choices is a hard task.

Most outcomes are dependent on other outcomes, therefore it helps to have an end in mind, a goal, a dream.
We then need to live each day being good stewards of all that God has blessed us with; wisdom, money, family, friends, jobs,etc and a path gently starts developing, direction starts forming.

Sooner, things that are important become clearer and the critical path aligns itself.

Rotaract Club

Rotaract is a worldwide organization of young men and women ages 18 to 30 who believe they can make a difference. A Rotaract Club is more than just a community service club. It is part of a global effort to bring peace and international understanding to the world. This effort starts at the community level, but it knows no limits in its outreach.

I am a member of the Rotaract Club of Westlands in Nairobi, Kenya. We belong to District 9200 (Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania, Ethiopia and Eritrea). I am also the Assistant District Rotaract Represenatative (ADRR)2010-2011 in Kenya. My role involves co-ordinating the activities of 18 Rotaract Clubs in our region.

I enjoy Rotaract, its an avenue to grow, give and learn.